Is the Melbourne 2030 plan dead? This dodgy State Government plan starts with the idea that Melbourne will have an extra one million residents by 2030. It then tries to work out how to fit ‘em in.

 Basically it wants higher residential density, achieved by having people living near (or, indeed, above) public transport hubs. It is pretty much silent on where the water will come from for these extra one million people (if the answer is: “the sky'’ - well that’s not going so well is it) or how public transport will cope, or the roads or anything.

 Higher residiential density means more tall apartment buildings in the burbs, and the degree of oppostion to this is already enormous - the government will get pretty tired of fighting for each and every one of these (proposals for Camberwell, Mitcham, Northcote -all have faced mega opposition).

 And who are these people who want to live above train stations? Do they exist?

 Yes - no one wants Melbourne to spread forever to the north, south-east and west. But even this 2030 plan incorporates scope for a massive increase in the spread, not relief from it.

 There is an alternative: Victorian regional development. Boost Ballarat, Bendigo, Geelong, Warrnambool, Traralgon - provide cheap or free land and rates and power as incentives and build decent infrastructure. Make these places more attractive to companies and their workers. The “fast train'’ project has been so badly mishandled that it may never recover - but at some stage genuine fast links to Melbourne and inter-region will need to be built. It will all cost money but it will be less than the cost of shoe-horning a million people into Melbourne.

 Put the extra million people where land is cheap and where they will be welcome, as an antedote for regional decline and fall.

How could anyone be an Essendon supporter? Or a Collingwood supporter? Once-great teams that have lost their way. Soul-less, hopeless, no ticker. Give them away and follow a team with a glorious past and glorious future: CARLTON.