FORGET THE LOGIES - HERE COME THE NOOKIES, acknowledging everything BAD about Australian TV. Who would YOU vote for? Categories below.
Published 1 year, 3 months ago in Entertainment.IF the Logies reveal anything they show how dire is the state of Australian television. Is a bland soapy star really the best we have? Can one still be called a comedian if you are unfunny? Why is there an award for reality TV? If those Big Brother people want to be locked up then I’m all for it, but just don’t televise it.
So, in a spirit of galloping cynicism and negativity, I’m setting up The Nookies, awards for everything bad, mundane, boring, repetitive, jejune, cliched and painful about Australian TV. Here’s some categories and some nominations (feel free to come up with your own categories, as well as nominations). There are no rules. I’ll make some sort of unscientific analysis of your responses and declare winners in a week or so or whenever I get around to it. Forgive the spelling mistakes in the names, couldn’t be bothered checking.
Graham Kennedy Award for Most Outstanding New Talent: Bert Newton.
Worst Drama Series Nookie: The Channel 9 breakfast show Today; The Catch-Up.
Worst Children’s Show Nookie: The Footy Show.
Worst Sports Coverage Nookie: Channel 10 has a crack at doing the footy.
Worst News Coverage Nookie: Nominations to every piece of reality TV promotion or backstabbing dressed up as news and current affairs.
Worst Comedy Program Nookie: Australia’s Funniest Home Videos (isn’t it great to laugh at kids breaking bones - and then encourage other kids to make their own bone-breaking videos)
Best Comedy Show Nookie: Nominations include Today Tonight, A Current Affair, Media Watch.
Least Outstanding Actress Silver Nookie: Kate Ritchie; the whole cast of McLeod’s Daughters.
Least Outstanding Actor Silver Nookie: That young guy with the facial hair on Neighbours.
Most Annoying Presenter Nookie: Hall of Fame nomination to Kerri-Anne Kennerley; Bindi Irwin; Lateline’s Tony Jones.
Stupidest reality show idea Nookie: That Pussycat Dolls thing.
Best Decision to Dump a Presenter Nookie: Nominations: whoever dumped Naomi Robson; Eddie McGuire for Jessica Rowe.
Nookie for Most Annoying Child: Bindi Irwin.
Nookie for Most Annoying Ad: Melbourne Cup field. Personally, as a fan, I hate all the ones that destroy Beach Boys songs. Let’s just say I’ll never buy Good Guys or Cadbury products.
Most Annoying Reality Show Nookie: The Nookie must be firmly in the grasp of Big Brother.
The International Star Who Should Be Brought Out for the Logies Presentation, for No Other Reason Than Our TV Industry’s Justified Inferiority Complex: Inspector Rex.
The Nookie for the Show that YOU Would Bone First if You Had the Chance: How about Mornings With Kerri-Anne. Maybe All Saints. A Current Affair and Today Tonight are expected to poll well.
The Polished Mirror-like Nookie for the Biggest Ego on Australain TV: Lateline presenter Tony Jones; Kerri-Anne Kennerley.
The Gold Nookie, for the Most Annoying Person on Australian TV goes to: (your call)
15 Responses to “FORGET THE LOGIES - HERE COME THE NOOKIES, acknowledging everything BAD about Australian TV. Who would YOU vote for? Categories below.”
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What’s wrong with the Pussycat Dolls?
I agree with all your nominations, but I would like to add a few categories:
The Nookie for the person “least able to read an auto-cue” : Darryl Somers
The “Highest Chin Nookie”: Gretel Killeen
The “Thinnest News-reader Nookie”: Jennifer Keyte
The “Most Cosmetic Surgery Nookie”: Bert Newton and Sigrid Thornton
The Nookie for the “Journalist who most resembles Warrick Cappa in a dress”:
Tracy Grimshaw
The Nookie Hall Of Fame inductee for “The most irritating Australian game show host of all time”: Tony Barber and Ian Turpie
The Nookie for ” The show that always seems to be on whenever I turn on the TV”: Big Brother and The Bill
My nomination for The Gold Nookie, ”Most Annoying Person on Australian TV” : The monumentally unfunny and self indulgent Peter Hellier
Yeah but, yeah but, yeah but- oh my gawd, awesome, do us nooksters really want to be associated with failures…
cheerio
theshadowmaster
Think of it as non-constructive criticism.
noonknook between you & gold you’ve pretty much got it covered, I’d just like to add
The most flared nostril nookie: Gretel Killeen
I’m sorry your wife died but you are truly boring nookie: ROVE.
The Gold Nookie: Most Annoyingly Crap TV station - Channel 10 for brain dead reality tv, reruns of the reruns of the reruns of the Simpsons, spin offs of the spin offs of the sad sack american cop shows.
The “I need a new stylist because I always look pregnant (or just plain crap) almost every show” Nookie : Toni Pearen (Funniest Home Videos)
The “If I’m not careful I might hyperventilate due to all this breathy talking” Nookie : Wentworth Miller (Michael Skoefield on Prison Break)
Hooray Viva - I am not the only person in the universe to think Rove Live to be an utterly dull, self indulgent waste of an hour and a half. If you took out all the smug, self satisfied, in jokes and the obligitory network promotions you might just be able to make up 10 minutes of interesting television!
Worst hairpiece on TV award: Bert Newton.
I think Bert Newton has a very trendy hairstyle. I don’t think you should put him down.
Leave Bert Newton alone. His hair is like an industry icon.
I would vote for Big Brother, but that would mean that I would have to watch that tripe to have formed an opinion about it. From what I have seen in the press, Channel Scum(10) should receive on gong for being slime & scum enough to use those losers. The only thing that is celebrity about those people is the word that Channel Scum uses to describe them.
You really are reflective of your name - do you like to give that impression, wetblanket? It gives you full-bodied character!
hey im with the shadow we are better than them as for bert well the old wig stays on
mmm, I agree with shadow actually, I’d rather be positve.I figure, if you dont like it ( which I dont 90% of the time, turn off, but on the 10% of the time that I have to endure sport of any kind blasting out of the speakers, finding my ear drums somewhere thru the house sounding like someone is hyperventilating whilst yelling into a paper bag, then I would give them the ” how to drive your wife crazy nookie”
Most Painful Sports Presenter Nookie: Gotta be Bruce.